Tamidioms

​Tamidioms are all the weird sayings I thought were real when I was a child.

 

I must have had moths in my earholes. Anyway, these are way funnier!

 

​Serious grown-ups with important suits and aggressively ironed careers dictate that the things we believed as children should be forgotten.

 

And buried.

In peated soil.

On Wednesday.

 

However, now I'm grown up myself, I reject their opinion and, in its place, substitute my own. I choose to actively celebrate my 8-year-old self's slightly sideways understanding of the world of confusing adult sayings.

 

So, Tamidioms were born!

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Hell has no fury like a warm scone - Nobody knows what this means but apparently scones are dangerous and shouldn't be trusted.

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To hoover may comfort - What you put at the top of a letter when writing to someone. It’s supposed to make them feel better.

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One moth in the bucket is worth two in the earhole - Things seem bigger when they get in your face.

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To excessively Lear leads to a fist hEad ward - Don't stare at strangers or you might get into trouble. (Okay, I just made this one up because I thought it was clever. Child Tammy would love it, so it must be good!)

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Every clown has a sister Eileen - Even clowns have someone who loves them. They are called Eileen.

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Once in a balloon - Mum told me this means 'not very often’.

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Meeting around a bush - When you have to tell someone something important. Telling them around a bush stops anyone from hearing you.

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Grin with Wendy - When someone is jealous of you, you have to grin like Wendy. (Who is Wendy?)

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You couldn't find a boiled egg in a pickle factory - I have absolutely no idea where I got this from, but I found it written on the margin of a late-September dairy entry. The full extract: 'Clare lost my pen again, so I decided to scold her for not looking properly, 'you couldn't find a boiled egg in a pickle factory!'